I, um, just realised something. All the girls I've ever liked, the ones I've crushed on. They're all, in one way or another, cool people. The ones people love to hang out with, as opposed to me, a person who hangs on the fringes. Like with one of them, she's a budding photographer, and she's brilliant, she's creative, she has this amazing way of creating atmosphere and expresses herself magnificently in her self-portraits.

Do I like her because she's exactly the sort of person I would like to be? And in the meantime, I have to struggle with the feeling that I would have no chance with her. But I don't want to succumb to that feeling, because hope is a wonderful thing. The hope that I would be able to be with a woman like her. I don't want to let some stupid thing about "levels" get in my way of dating her or any other girl like her I meet later in life, if I'm lucky.

And. To think of how she's grown as a person in the 2 years I've known her, from a disheveled looking student to one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen, while I've stagnated in geek purgatory, is agony.