What lovelife?

I suppose it is presumptious (big word, huh?) of me to have a recap about my lovelife when my last girlfriend was in kindergarden. But I wanted to write something in this blog, so there!

Anyway, that girlfriend? It was just physical, nothing deep. Just kissing, kissing and yet more kissing. What? No, on the cheeks, you perverts! Tell you the truth, it totally didn't occur to me then that lips can be kissed too.

-How do I remember this? It's amazing what my memory has in its storage room. I remember the time I got a big bruise for all to see. I remember the time the entire nursery was full of dog poop. I remember watching Beauty and the Beast at the assembly area. I even remember my last day there, where in a final competition between the boys and girls, I had to race some girl. Said girl came up to me and made me promise to throw the race for her. We pinky sweared and everything. Even then, I can't say no to a pretty face. Ah, but even more so, I can't say no to the boys chanting my name like their lives depended on it. So I said "Screw it!" (well, not exactly, but you know what I mean) and proceeded to clean house and win the damn race. The boys treated me like a hero. The girls never spoke to me again.

Wonder what happened to my old fling? Ah, must be in the arms on some muscle-bound dude.

Dazhong Primary School. The first 4 years were romance free. Cootie fears made sure of that. Ah, but puberty came early for me. I started having funny feelings in my guts whenever a girl brushed up against me. And in Primary 6, I had a typical schoolboy crush on this girl. (I still remember the name, but heck if I'm going to tell you!). So I reacted to it just like any other 12 year old. Hair-pulling, eraser throwing, the works. But not too much of course. On hindsight, it's lucky that Faiz was my classmate then. Without him, I'm still a good boy. But with him, I probably looked like a saint to the girls. But of course, I was aware enough to know that we were all too young for a proper relationship. So I let the feelings come and go, as all schoolboy crushes do.

-The primary school crush? Had the CUTEST nose!

To more recent times in Yusof Ishak Secondary School. Only 9 months in, and already I was linked to THREE girls by those rumour mongers. Still, those three girls happened to be pretty, so I didn't mind so much.

Well, excuse me for being a hormonally-charged 13 year old!

The odd thing was, I had the sneaky feeling that one of them actually did like me. Or maybe that's just me being hopeful.

Here's one bonus to being a loner: some girl might actually notice you sitting there, eating your Mee Soto, alone, lonesome. So she might just take pity on you, come up to you and offer to be friends with you. A senior actually did that. God knows why she did it, but she did, and I'm glad for it.

-Ok, the following story is the type that is so, uh, "unlikely-ever-to-happen-to-me-EVER!", I still can't believe it actually really did happened. Anyway, I knew this girl (let's call her "Rosie"), and from day one, she started looking at me in a funny way that innocent me didn't know what to make of. 5 years worth of experience later, I now know the look to be "flirtatious". Some may call it "slutty". Yeah, I know, I'd like to know what she's smoking too. So anyway, she comes up to me one time when I was about to go home. The flirt look was on overdrive here. She says she wants to accompany me home. Even innocent me knows where this was going. And what did innocent me say? "Uh, um, ah'm sorree, my dad's home right n-now!" Real smooth. And what did she say? "That's ok, we can hang out at the staircase" At this point, alarms started to ring in my head. So we started walking. But before we even left the gates, 2 guys called out to her. (The usual calls here:"Oooh, new boyfriend!") She stopped to chew them out. And what did innocent me do? I walked away. Without looking back once. To this day, I can't help wonder if I missed out on something. Ah well. Last I heard, Rosie got expelled a year later.

Eventually, of course, my eyes fell upon the lady who I expect you all know by now. Really, need I go on about why I fell for her? Those eyes, that nose, that incredible smile? In fact, oddly enough, I've sat in front of Shikin for half a year in Sec 2 Malay class without feeling a thing for her. It just kinda...happened.

Oh wait, now I remember. Teacher's Day 2000. A few days before that, the school held some auditions for classes who wants to perform at the Teacher's Day concert. Many men believe that there ain't nuthin' sexier than a young woman dancing with carefree abandon. Well, she wasn't exactly dancing with carefree abandon (after all, this was a rehearsed dance), but I was there at the auditions, and seeing Shikin being the de facto lead dancer for her class (2E3), it just....happened. I fell for her, hard. Seeing my future classmate Khairomi holding her hand and bowing to the judges later made me absolutely green with jealousy, which sealed it, really.

-May as well add some notes on that audition. I was there to support my class. Who were crap, which was why I was the only person from my class there. And also to check out my sister's class, who were average. I knew it, my sis and her class mates knew it, everybody knew it. Except the judges, who put them in the concert. Kicking 2E3 out in the process. What gives?! Oh, and 2E4 had by far the best piece. The choreography was superb there. I wish I knew what the song they used was though. It was phat!

Sec 3 was when my crush on Shikin really blossomed. I swear, my feelings grew and grew every single time I saw her. This one time when she hung out with her class mates at my usual hang out (the school library, duh!), I gave up trying to concentrate on the Hercule Poirot story I was reading, and just stared at her. When she shook it a bit listening to a Discman, POW! My heart nearly burst out. Mind you, my friends were with me that time, so I had pretty tough time hiding my feelings from them.

Oh yes, I wanted to ask her out so badly. But nooo, my parents were in my head, chiding me at dating at such a young age. So I had the brilliant idea to ask for her number during the Prom. Not before, during.

I am a blurtoad after all.

So, for the whole of Sec 4, I had to wait patiently for one whole year to ask Shikin for her 7 dumb digits.

You know, I'm still kicking myself at running past her in the rain (she was walking without anything above her head) and not offering her my newspaper. "Eh, Hafiz, tunggu!"

Groan.

Of course, if I had kept the secret totally secret, I would have burst. So I revealed it to a few trusted friends. (Special shout out to those people: Elmi, Shairy, Charles, Alvin, Khairomi, Firdaus, Ain, Izura & Rafikah)

And so, on the 27th December 2002, 12.37AM, the 3rd floor of the Hilton Hotel (maybe I'll talk about that night later), with the support of my friends, I approached her.

In hindsight, it wasn't that hard. And considering that a few of her classmates were within earshot, I suppose that it wasn't that humiliating.

-Note: She was gorgeous that day, blue sunglasses, long sleeved white shirt, excellent makeup. Didn't see what jeans she wore, nor did I care, looking at her face was enough for me.

That little act was enough for me to consider that night the best of my life (Now replaced by 10th December 2005. ;) ). My parents were wondering about the humogous smile on my face when they came to pick me up.

-You know, I may have missed out on a few after-prom parties. Care to confirm, guys?

Of course, 2 days later, I called, we chin-wagged a bit, I proclaimed my love for her, she said she's already take, yada yada yada.

As I recall, I spent most of January 2003 in my room, moping.

Here's the funny thing. Shikin was not the only girl I've asked out. I actually tried another girl from 4E3 out. Let's call her "Portia". Same result, she was taken too. Wasn't so heart-broken this time though, I was well-prepared for the crushing grip of disappointment this time.

Anyway, the last 2 years were a mixed bunch. I've finally lost my irrational fear of the opposite sex and can actually sit next to one without fear of freaking out. Too bad all the good ones are taken though. It's a little funny, now that I think of it. Now, I'm starting to prefer female company. Well, let's put at it this way. At least this means I'm not gay. I hope. Dunno why, I just find women more interesting than guys. No offense to the actual guys reading this, heck, I find myself boring myself.

Very personal thought: I do have some feelings for some girls I know, but knowing I can't act on them for whatever reason (already taken, not their type, etc.), it's bloody frustrating. Well, I guess I'll just have to be patient. And while I'm at it, lose some weight, get a dental checkup, learn how to style my hair properly and tone down the weirdness in my personality.

Though of course, there is that one thing one guy that I only met for about 1 hour said about me: "You don't look like you've never had a girlfriend." I guess there's hope for me then.